Question

hey @EleeDuboir welcome to the forums!

i don't have lived experience around NSSI, but i did want to pop in to say hi. 😊

if you haven't already, feel free to check out our community guidelines: Guidelines and technical support - SANE Forums

i'm sure other members will chime in soon. we're glad to have you here!

Hey @EleeDuboir

Welcome to the forum. I have suffered with NSSI in the past. Is there anything you’d like to know in particular?

Hi @EleeDuboir , welcome to the forum. 

Like @Lapis_Anteater I used to do NSSI.

Sometimes I reflect and try to work out why (because I still feel the impulse to do it when distressed, even though I have not acted upon those feelings for 20 years). And I'm still not sure what the instinctual drive is within me that feels/craves that NSSI is soothing.

I think for me a small part of it is a way of expressing outwardly how I feel inside (and scribbling on a paper for example can be a replacement, but somehow never 'sounds' as cathartic in my mind's eye?). A decent portion of it was distraction - the pain was enough to distract me from the internal emotional feeling and thus I would feel better for a bit (a more potent distraction that other occasions). On some few occasions I think anger can fuel the thoughts for me too, when I am angry at someone/something and wish I could take it out on them but it is not in my nature to take things out on others, so taking it out on myself I suppose is where my mind goes instead? But of course this is not logical because hurting myself does not hurt them at all, and in fact they would never even know about it!

Interested to know what questions you have, or what your experience with it has been if you feel like sharing (no pressure).

Hi to you, thanks for aknowledging.

TW: discusses self-harm

TW: discusses self-harm

Hello @EleeDuboir, 

Welcome to the forums and thank you so much for sharing with us. We want to acknowledge just how much courage sharing your innermost takes. 🥰

I can definitely hear how tough it's been to manage some of your bigger feelings, and that self-harm has been helpful in alleviating the distress you feel in those moments (which makes a lot of sense). 

I am curious to know what support your psychologists have provided with this and if you are seeing anyone at the moment? ☺️

I also wanted to check in with how we can support you most right now, so please let me know!

Lastly, I made a small edit to remove the self-harm method listed and added a spoiler tag to ensure it keeps within our community guidelines, which you can find here:

https://saneforums.org/t5/help/faqpage/title/community-guidelines

Let me know if you have any questions about this and talk more soon. ✨

Hi @EleeDuboir , 

You're not the only person with concerns about the scars and people seeing them, or for the feeling of relief as a driving reason - in case it is any comfort to know, I have been there too, and also know a number of others who have too.

I too would love to know how to "switch off" the thoughts too and the impulse that says "this will help me not feel as much pain after". I still get those thoughts and feelings when I am really distressed - even after 20 years of not acting on them.

However, I was able to learn to resist those thoughts and not act on them, and instead substitute other things -- even if they may take a little longer to do to feel better (as in maybe 30min instead of instantly).

I think one thing that helped me to be able to replace the actions was having other alternatives both easily accessible/available whenever I needed and also having them written in a list that I could look at without having to think and recall what the options are.

I know a number of people who use alternative safe-pain options like ice cubes, rubber bands (flicking), or even now I have seen you can buy spikey fidget toys.  They may not work as instantly, but it may still be a substitute to help reduce SH if you are wanting to. And a bonus? They don't leave a mark to hide. 😎

Of course there are many non-pain options too - like writing out or drawing how you feel or screaming them out. Or just scribbling and jabbing at paper. Or a punching bag for physical muscle release. Or punching a pillow. Or throwing a tennis ball at a brick/concrete wall. Some people I know go for a run to exhaust themselves and their muscles.

There isn't a one-size-fits-all, but with time I do believe you would find what works best for you.

Can I ask whether your SH often comes along with angry, disappointed, or anxious type of emotions?  I'm not sure for you, but for me what helps as a replacement depends on the triggering emotion underneath.