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Managing thoughts of suicide & self-harm
Managing thoughts of suicide & self-harm

Heaps of pain

Maggie15 Casual Contributor

Heaps of pain

I have schizo affective and ptsd and have been throug a lot of trauma but managed to raise my kids well, but i can no longer work and can hardly go outside some days. It is so hard, and no one around me understands. My second wife is supporting me, no govt assistance due to her income.

Im lonely, i have two dogs. My symptoms are hypervigilance main trigger control and crime. I also have dissociation.

Some days i cant do anything. I am unable to make friends due to trauma i guess severe form of fear of judgement. I just want to say how much it hurts and i want to say hi to everyone who has my pain. I know how to maintain ice bath, nutrtion, exercise, music, ect but i hate it so much. My kids will never know how much pain it took to bring them up, im happy they are healthy. I wish more people understood before they judged.

1 reply

In response to: Heaps of pain

Aegis Peer Support Worker

Re: Heaps of pain

Hi @Maggie15,

Thank you for reaching out and sharing a bit of your story. It definitely sounds like you have pushed through some really hard times. I'm glad you recognised that you managed to raise your kids well, that alone is a challenge without anything added. I can understand that it is hard to adjust to no longer being able to work and how difficult it must be finding it difficult to get out of the house. I am glad your wife has been able to support you financially. 

It makes sense that you have found it difficult making friends with how you described your experience of your symptoms, particularly around fear and judgement. We really never know how hard things are for others. It can feel very painful to live on high alert a lot of the time so I am glad to hear that you have some strategies that help you. 


Thank you for bringing your story into this space. There are certainly lot of people throughout the forums that experience similar to what you describe. I hope you can feel a little less alone in your experience, knowing that there are people that understand. 

If it all ever feels like it is a bit too difficult to manage and you need someone to talk to immediately, please contact 


If you require immediate support, please contact one of the service providers below.

Thank you, Aegis

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SANE logo
Australian Commission on Safety and Quality in Health Care NSQDMH Accreditation logo

Help us push aside the stigma and discrimination surrounding complex mental health and change the way people talk about, and care for, mental illness.

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National Standards for Mental Health Services - IHCA Certified
Aboriginal flag Torres Strait Islander flag LGBT flag Transgender flag

SANE acknowledges the Traditional Owners of Country throughout Australia and recognises the continuing connection to lands, waters and communities. We pay our respect to Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander cultures; and to Elders past and present.

SANE values diversity. We are committed to providing a safe, culturally appropriate, and inclusive service for all people, regardless of their ethnicity, faith, disability, sexuality, or gender identity.

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