Jlol Senior Contributor
Do MH professionals understand there is a difference between constant s*&#idal ideation and brief spikes of it?
I personally struggle to talk about my s*&%idal thoughts and ideations with MH workers because it usually goes one of two ways:
1. They freak out and call the cops
2. They go through this list of asking if I can do something to distract myself during these thoughts
Both of these cases assume that the s*&%idal thoughts and ideations are temporary or come and go and that I just have to "get through this immediate moment" and I'll be better on the other side.
This isn't true for me - I kinda live in a state of permanent 'distress' around s*&#ide. It constantly feels like something might come along and break the camels back (for the record, there is nothing like that right now and I am safe etc) at any moment. It doesn't come in waves, nor does watching my favourite TV show, or eating, or excersising help. I feel live in a constant state of "about-to-be-pushed-over-the-edge" for lack of a better term.
I thought this was kind of common, but having talked to a MH professional recently and they were surpised by this, so maybe it isnt? Thinking back, it would make sense as most reactions from MH workers when you mention the S word seem to assume it is a temporary state we just have to get through in the immediacy. There doesn't seem to be much information or training for someone who is consistantly in that state.
I'm curious: has anyone else experienced this? Does it have a name? Is there a way I can easily convey this state to MH professionals?
Many thanks
