That sounds really frightening to be dealing with @MyLifesJourney. Thoughts like that can feel overwhelming, especially when they start to loop or go further than you expect. I hear how overwhelming things are feeling for you, when things feel all too much, it can feel like there's only one way to escape or ease the pain. It understandable to want to cope the best way you know how, even though its not the healthiest way.
Just checking in; are you safe right now?
You don’t have to hold this on your own. Reaching out to a service like Beyond Blue could really help. At they have counsellors you can talk to anytime, and you don’t need to be at a breaking point to use them. If you’re in Australia, you can call them on 1300 22 4636 or use their webchat.
If things feel like they might get unsafe, Lifeline (13 11 14) is also there 24/7.
You deserve support with this, and there are people who will take you seriously and help you through it.
Take care,
SunsetSunrise
