Feeling helpless for daughter

Hello @Hopefulhorizons, 

Thank you so much for sharing this with us. 💛 I can't imagine how scary it must feel to see your daughter struggling so much... it sounds like she's really needing some love and support, as are you - and that's where we come in! 🥰

I can hear that your daughter may need some help to explore safe and nourishing eating habits, as well as reconnection to her passions. It can be so, so tough to cultivate new behaviours when we are experiencing the impacts of ADHD or BPD, so I am thinking that slow and intentional behavioural activation or habit stacking could be helpful? Our Recovery Club could actually be quite helpful for this! Have you looked into it at all? It's very strengths-based and allows people to work towards recovery with our facilitators both 1x1 and in groups. 

I also think that DBT strategies could be great to try with her. You can find some here: https://dialecticalbehaviortherapy.com/

I am curious to know what other supports she has available to her right now?

I am also wondering what supports you have? I can imagine that having some regular therapy/support groups to connect with would help you to find safety in your body too (because this is understandably really tough). 🫶

I know there is a lot going on for you both and that you're really needing answers, so I am going to tag a few parents who can share some more thoughts with you. @Shaz51 @Snowie @Appleblossom 

Hi @Hopefulhorizons i wish i had a parent as loving as you.. i can speak from your daughters prospective because i have the same diagnosis,, the behaviour you just described is exactly how i existed for almost 3 years, not that long ago.. 

I will tell you how it was for me Because i dont want to assume something that's wrong and upset you or stress you more than you are.. 

My bedroom was my safe space away from the harshness of people at work and the demand and responsibility of my work, i didn't even answer my phone if i was watching my show in bed. I felt safe and it was predictable for me there was no anxiety that someone needed something from me or i forgot to do something or i had a deadline/appointment/meetings/shopping there was no pressure. But i was so miserable and lonely because i didn't know how else to deal with myself and besides work and overworking all the time, i had no purpose to drive me to do anything other than stay in my room and watch my show. 

My partner was in prison so besides phone calls and an hr a week visit, it was just another chore before i went back to bed. 

For me isolating has always been my escape either for safety, depressive episodes, bordem, anxiety overwhelm, fear, avoiding something, predictability and sometimes for attention.. yep i said attention, and procrastinating. 

Talk to your daughter.. its likely she might not know why because of the ADHD or maybe she does but doesn't know how to handle it so thinks she is handling it, thats the BPD. 

If shes medicated for her conditions then maybe she needs a med review or change.

Definitely she needs a lot of B vitamins b1, b12, b2 etc they make a huge difference for ADHD symptoms. 

I hope things work out for you and your daughter. She will find her light again, she has you watching out for her. 

Hello @Hopefulhorizons 

Can you think when your daughter changed from doing so much to now doing nothing? 

My adult step children all have adhd to some degree 

S3 lives on coffee and cigarettes too and is losing weight

wonder if this is really helping him

And now he has a partner with CPTSD 

I am trying to encourage,  support as much as I can since he does not live near 

I hope your daughter can get back into what she liked to do xxx 

@Case-Ahn-13 , @AuntGlow 

Thank you so much @AuntGlow. I will be sure to look into the Recovery Club & the DBT supports. Her brother, whom she lives with has just arrived at our place. As his sister is possibly going through a (another) breakup, he finds it very hard to deal with & will spend a couple of nights with us. Her last breakup in December was a very difficult time for us and he cannot be in the house with her. She does however have a friend staying with her & I have just messaged him saying to call me if he feels she will harm herself. I will check in with her tomorrow. Knowing that this was on the cards, I have been in touch with her over the past couple of days reminding her that she is surrounded by love and that she will get through this. Wish us luck! Thanks again. 

Hi @Shaz51 , she started losing interest in all hobbies at around aged 16. That was when she started smoking cannabis and wagging some classes. If only we knew she has adhd, our parenting style would have been so different . I suppose there are lots of parents out there who say that. How she got through her VCE astounds me. With the support of her teachers and her family (she is actually very lovable and everyone around  her just wanted to help) we carried her over the line. She is so smart, just has no desire which is really sad to see. 

Thank you @Case-Ahn-13. I am sorry you have been through a lot of this yourself. Thank you for giving me perspective. It really helps. Take care

@AuntGlow  She currently sees a psychologist around once a month. She has seen him for about 6 years. I personally think he is losing his impact but like everything else, she is reluctant to make any changes. She feels it would be like starting all over again with her ‘story,’

@Hopefulhorizons 
Honestly, its absolutely horrible watching your daughter who was capable become someone who is withdrawn from life.  

Horrible doesn't even describe it; i see it as her flushing her life down the toilet - lost opportunities and wasted early adulthood; so many experiences left to do in life - first real love, first job, a gifted education. Nothing I do or say to her in the last 3 weeks has helped her.  I keep reminding her that by withdrawing from activities she is isolating her self further and then will complain about nothing to do. 

Its not fair and it hurts.  

And there is nothing I can do that helps her.  

From her peak in early 2024 to now is unbelieve.

I am so sad when it comes to this; my mental pain; not being able to help her; to see lost opportunities is depressing.

Take comfort that your probably doing all your can:  Get her appointments for everything - from a blood tests, psych, mix it up with routine, encourage social activities.